One of the Five Good Things is a growing capacity and desire for more connection. Good relationships do not trap us - they open our world and invite more connection and growth. They also help us navigate more difficult relationships.

Desire for More grows from Jean Baker Miller's early challenge to psychological theories that defined maturity as increasing separation and self-sufficiency. RCT proposed a different direction: people develop through and toward connection, and a good relationship can be recognized partly by whether it enlarges our capacity to participate in relationships beyond it.

In her 1986 working paper What Do We Mean by Relationships? Miller described this outcome under the heading "Greater sense of connection and the motivation for more connections." She explained that the energy, empowerment, knowledge, and sense of worth created in a growth-fostering interchange lead to greater caring for the person directly involved and to a desire for fuller connection. This motivation then generalizes beyond the particular relationship. It is not something a person can force into existence; it arises as a concomitant, or natural accompaniment, of a mutually growth-fostering connection.

Miller and Irene Stiver carried this language into *The Healing Connection* (1997), where a greater sense of connection and desire for more connections appears as one of the five components of mutual empowerment. The important movement is outward as well as inward: people feel more connected within the immediate relationship and more motivated to create connections with others.

Later RCT writing shortened the language in various ways - "desire for more connections," "desire for more connection," or simply "Desire for More" - without changing the central idea. In How Connections Heal (2004), the Five Good Things are used across therapy, family, group, and cross-cultural relationships. The text repeatedly emphasizes that a growth-fostering relationship increases connection within the relationship while also expanding connection with other people.

RCT applications to trauma make the significance especially clear. Amy Banks describes healing as a growing freedom and desire to expand one's relational world. A trustworthy connection can help a trauma survivor identify healthy relationships, reach for support, clarify what is happening in a difficult relationship, and choose whether repair, protection, confrontation, or distance is needed.

Across these formulations, the term has remained remarkably stable. Desire for More is not a demand for endless closeness. It is the widening movement that becomes possible when a relationship leaves us more alive, able to care, and free to build a larger relational life, as well as building the capacity to navigate more complex relationships.

Think of a relationship that makes your world larger. Name one way its effects could travel beyond the two of you.

Follow one outward pull this week: accept support, extend an invitation, connect two people, or carry something generous into another relationship.

Notice whether the movement feels spacious and chosen. Desire for More expands connection; it does not require more access, disclosure, or contact.