Mutuality is the shared experience of both affecting and being affected in relationship. All people are open to being moved by each others' experience and presence. Unlike reciprocity, which measures fairness, mutuality creates shared movement and vitality.

• Notice the relationships where each person can feel their presence matters. .
• Let connection be measured by shared vitality and movement, rather than by whether everyone gives the same amount.
• Stay open to being changed by peopole whose experiences differ from your own, even when agreement isn't possible. 

Mutuality has been part of Relational-Cultural Theory since its earliest writings. Jean Baker Miller challenged traditional models of development that viewed maturity as increasing independence, instead proposing that mature development moves toward mutuality rather than separation. Later RCT scholars expanded the concept, distinguishing mutuality from reciprocity and emphasizing that growth-fostering relationships are characterized by mutual empathy, mutual empowerment, and the willingness of everyone involved to be affected by the relationship. Dynamic mutuality, described more fully by Maureen Walker, further explores how mutuality is actively practiced within relationships

In one conversation this week, pause and notice one way the other person has moved you. Let them know explicately: "Healing you say that changes this for me," or, "I understand this differently now because of this conversation." Notice what grows or shifts between you.