Some feminist movements haven't always kept up with changes in how we perceive and welcome different genders. Relational-Cultural Theory, as a work in progress, understands gender as a work in progress.
Learning Gender Through Relational-Cultural Theory
I was on a walk with an RCT colleague. We had just had breakfast with my son, who was wearing eyeliner and a damn cool skirt. We were talking about pronouns, singular they, and the language gaps between generations in how we understand Relational-Cultural Theory and gender.
She was thoughtful, and then said, “you know, I saw a young person, wearing makeup and a skirt, who told me he uses he/him pronouns.”
I braced myself.
I’d had this conversation recently, after discovering that someone I met at an RCT conference was listed as a therapist on a site promoting gender exploratory therapy. That conversation hit a wall quickly.
My walking partner, though, stayed with it a little longer. Then she said:
“I just think, wow. I have lots to learn about he/him.”
She was living out the “Works in Progress ” value of Relational-Cultural Theory: engaging curiosity and uncertainty, and staying in the MUD (Mystery, Uncertainty, and Doubt).
What “Works in Progress” Means in Relational-Cultural Theory
The original Works in Progress were a series of papers developed by the founding scholars of Relational-Cultural Theory.
These papers were presented as evolving ideas rather than final answers. That choice reflected something essential about RCT: that understanding grows through relationship, not certainty.
This format also reflected the collaborative nature of Relational-Cultural Theory, and an acknowledgment that the complexity of human connection is always changing.
Why RCT Values Ongoing Growth Over Certainty
International Center for Growth in Connection's.
The Works in Progress approach embodied a core idea in feminist therapy and RCT: valuing growth, understanding, and change over the pursuit of absolute answers.
It encouraged:
- open discussion
- critical thinking
- ongoing evolution
In this way, the format mirrored the relational process itself—where understanding deepens through growth-fostering connection.
It also reflected a commitment to accessibility. These papers were originally available for $2.00 and are now freely accessible through the International Center for Growth in Connection's website
Gender, Language, and the Limits of Early RCT Writing
Because Relational-Cultural Theory emerged from second-wave feminism, much of the early language reflects binary understandings of gender.
Relational-Cultural Theory and gender have always been in conversation, even when the language hasn’t fully caught up.
In Toward a New Psychology of Women, Jean Baker Miller named how women’s experiences were often invisible or pathologized in traditional psychotherapy, and offered a model that recognized relational strengths.
RCT has continued to evolve, highlighting similar patterns affecting BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ communities.
At the same time, the language has not always kept pace with these values.
Why Gender-Inclusive Language Matters in Therapy
Relational-Cultural Theory is not a gender essentialist approach.
Updating language to include all genders is not just about accuracy—it is about alignment with relational values and the reality that language shapes belonging.
It matters because:
- it reflects mutuality and respect
- it reduces harm and disconnection
- it can be life-saving
Staying a Work in Progress
For those who haven’t had the opportunity to explore gender-inclusive language, I’ve included some starting resources below.
Some areas we often overlook:
- reproductive justice
- language around families
This is ongoing work. This is part of how Relational-Cultural Theory continues to grow in its understanding of gender.
And maybe that’s the point.
The Gender Unicorn (image associated with this post) is one way of conceptualizing gender terms. Dora Makice, a trans woman with expertise in gender, biology, and advocacy, noted that while the gender unicorn is a "helpful starting point to understand the distinctions between things they've previously taken as a package deal and understanding that gender is multivariable with independent variables, it also replaces one gender schema with another more complicated one." She notes, "it misses the opportunity to push back on the idea that we need to fit someone's identity into a set of chartable variables in order to legitimize it." She recommends paying attention to ideas we carry around "biological sex" or "socialized gender" (which is not a part of the Gender Unicorn!) in order to avoid importing previous gender politics into a new framework.
The American Academy of Pediatrics released a response to the study on autism and gender diversity. The TL/DR version is yes, there's a higher rate of trans and gender diverse youth within ASD youth; there are lots of explanations for this (they go into those) and no matter what the explanation, providing gender affirming care is essential.
An excerpt (they are using TGD for trans and gender diverse, and ASD as autism spectrum disorder):
Youth who have ASD and youth who are TGD commonly experience discrimination and social rejection related to their identities, as do their families.14,15 When autism and gender diversity intersect, stigma is likely to be even further amplified. Stigma in health care settings may prevent youth and families from presenting for needed care,15,16 and in the broader community, may worsen youths’ social and emotional well-being.15,17 Clinicians can reduce stigma by listening to the perspectives of youth with ASD and who identify as TGD, educating themselves and their staff on autism, gender diversity, and facets of care for both using respectful, nonstigmatizing language when talking to and about youth, raising awareness and educating the public about autism and gender diversity, and challenging negative stereotypes.18,19
Singular They: at first it may feel awkward; none of us want to be wrong, (although singular they isn't wrong, the APA added it several years ago). Singular they is (ahem) the singular easiest, quickest thing you can do to create an inclusive language around gender.
The ACLU explains the overlap between gender affirming care and reproductive rights, as well as why the language we use in discussing it matters.
What's the scoop on JK Rowling? An expletive filled blog explains it all.
Another Katykatikate post on listening to people and honoring their identities. (more expletives)
Judith Butler explores gender essentialism and whether it's feminist here.
Julia Serano has created a glossary of terms; her books are excellent resources for these discussions as well.
Schuyler Bailar has a page full of resources on trans athletics, more resources and books.
These are some excellent starting points, with the caveat that we are all works in progress, as is the journey into a deeper understanding of gender identity. Best practices involve continuing to learn and grow, allowing curiosity and connection to guide you.